Control + My Catwalk/Streetwalk Fashion Of The Day


Smirk 2


I’ve come to discover one of my biggest issues in life has been trying to control things outside of myself. What a huge waste of energy. I’ve come into a space where I believe there is only one kind of control; Self-Control.Β 

So much time has been spent with me pointing out how someone else should live, what they should do, believe and how they should behave. In the process of all the finger-pointing I’ve done, all my issues went on unchecked. I can’t hate something and not secretly covet it. It’s nearly impossible. The only other alternative is that it’s a learned behavior that carries on while I’m in a state of oblivion. I’ve said so many things about so many people and it means nothing. Just words coming from a person that was highly under-developed, jealous, unhappy or idle.

I came up with an ingenious idea after knowing that deep inside I didn’t enjoy how I felt from pointing out everyone else’s flaws or envying them. This idea was to STOP this behavior. Underneath the pompous exterior
was a gigantic load of FEAR. Fear that someone is better than me. Fear that I’ll never be good enough to others, or myself. Fear of rejection or being unaccepted. Liking things that I was raised to believe were blasphemous or flat out wrong. The list went on & what a long list this was. I literally had to sit in a room and face my pain and get to the root of where these emotions started. Once I realized that I was scared, I had two choices. Keep on as I was, or develop some new skills to let go of the fears keeping me from feeling good about myself, feeling good within and being able to see the beauty of others without constant critique.

The first step was to admit that I’m in control of what I entertain, what I believe, accept, and of everything I do. The second step was to recognize that that’s the only control I have and will ever have, and frankly, that’s a lot to manage in itself.

A metamorphosis has followed this thinking. I’ve felt so free and willing to express myself in all forms regardless of the result. This didn’t come without sacrifice, doubt or pain, and I haven’t entirely completed the transformation. However, I have made the choice to stick with myself. To choose to be me regardless and to dedicate myself whole-heartedly to that. Guess what? Those feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, envy, being judgmental, pointing the finger, trying to manipulate people into being or doing what I want them to do, it has all subsided by a long shot.

Things that take up enough time to keep me focused on myself are eating well, exercising, saving money, making money (ethically), creating, practicing my art, reading/learning, spending quality time and being fully present with people I love & who love me and getting out to see other creativity in the world. That’s right! I’m able to just enjoy other people without trying to “fix” them or point out where they need correction. The funny thing about life is that we all share the world with each other and we all affect each other with our choices. Yet, we can only grow at the pace we grow. And all we can do to others is love them, either directly or at a distance. We can’t use force and have a loving result.

That’s true control. Self management. Self esteem. Self preservation (Not at the expense of others but as in wellness and joy.) The better job I do of taking care of myself, the more love I have to spread to YOU!

Thank you for reading. Let me know if you agree, disagree or if you have your own story about control. I’d love to hear from you.

-Deja B.

Listen to my latest #MondayLoveDrop called #Hello below:


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