AGING & MATURITY
Who wants to talk about getting older and closer to death? Nobody! I avoid this subject like the Black Plague. But, I’m facing my fears so nothing can be taboo. I’ve learned a little bit about aging so let me share it with you.
You wake up one day and everything is different. Maybe things that used to interest you, don’t. Maybe your taste buds have changed. Maybe you’re starting to look more like your other parent than before. Maybe your metabolism slowed down. Just maybe, you’re getting older and your body is letting you know. Or is this just happening to me? I doubt it.
Ms. Nice Girl: I’m starting to feel nicer. I don’t too much want to fight or argue or carry a nasty attitude. I’ve softened. A LOT! I used to pride myself on being sassy and snappy. My feistiness is dying though. I wish to have peace of mind above being right so I’m much quicker to apologize or compromise as long as it doesn’t go against my personal moral boundaries.
Friendships Evolve: I love some of my friends in different ways. What’s important to me is different. So sometimes our conversations or our priorities aren’t the same. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be at different levels. I’ve also learned to accept my friends completely and love them unconditionally especially when I don’t agree with them or their choices. I took the responsibility of being their parent off of myself. I don’t have to mentor anyone or show anyone how to live. We all have to make our own choices. So long as I am not affected negatively by those choices too many times, I don’t care anymore. My attachment to my friends isn’t one that requires we talk every waking second or that we share every aspect. If you had told me at 16 years old, that I’d be here with it, I wouldn’t believe you. Spending time alone and being comfortable going to the movies or out to eat without company has dramatically changed my friendship experience for the better.
What about my body body?: I’m more delicate. Certain things affect me that didn’t when I was a teenager. Too much sugar throws EVERYTHING off. Too much salt dehydrates me. Too many carbs show in my stomach area within days. I get jiggly even faster. I can’t skip the gym and eat Round Table and cheesecake. I can’t drink alcohol too often. My scars take longer to heal. An hour in the gym makes me sleepy. I take more naps. The tight shoes are finally giving me corns. (Don’t judge me, this made me want to cry. I’m still sensitive about it lol.) I don’t wear heels unless I’m going places I don’t have to walk long because my feet will hurt and I no longer think it’s worth it. I’m starting to see the wrinkles from smiling so much. I can’t use scented body wash in certain places. During the horrid week most women experience each month, I’m 100 times more moody and emotional than I ever was before. The most ironic of all things is that I’m starting to look a lot more like my mother. We’re all freaked out about it.
For The Love Of Money: I don’t want to put anything else on a credit card ever again. I have swiped my way into debt and it sucks to pay on it every month when that money could go towards so many more meaningful things. I’m thinking about when I retire what kind of quality life will I have? Will I own my home? Will I need money to pay off a bunch of bills? My focus has turned entirely towards saving the money to own a home, having several sources of long term income, having several savings accounts and or investments, owning additional property, and being financially free to enjoy the rest of my life however I choose without depending on anyone. The $700 shoes will have to wait for now. The champagne is on hold and the beer budget is in full effect until I get a certain amount of money stacked. All I think about is that number and how I can ethically achieve it in the least amount of time.
Love: There’s no time to waste being unhappy. Period.
Music: I can’t listen to a lot of profanity. I can’t listen to a lot of male bashing. I can’t listen to a lot of pointless loud trendy music. It gives me an actual headache now. I buy the edited albums. I feel corny. But I like it way better.
Food: I’m no longer allergic to eggs. I like avocado and guacamole now. I like Caribbean, Thai, Indian & Ethiopian food. I can eat things that aren’t good to me if I know they’re good for me. I won’t eat chicken, pork, poultry or beef. Whole milk makes me sick unless I dilute it with water. Certain chips taste far too salty now. My taste buds are just very different. Things I used to like I don’t anymore. Things I use to hate, I like. My allergies to things have changed. Nothing was the same. lol
Multitasking: I can’t listen to more than one person talk at a time. My brain shuts down and tunes it all out until it can focus on one thing. I tune out loud talk and snappy attitudes. If the tone isn’t calm, after a while, I zone out. When I’m focused on creating music, I am not aware of too much else going on around me. You can be in the same room as me and you’ll disappear in my mind.
Fun: I like being alone much more than I used to. And I can have fun by myself sometimes. I like museums. I love the beach. I like talking to people from unique cultures. I like going to eat food that’s not just American. I like rollerskating, bowling, going to the snow, swimming, barbecues and get-togethers. I hate the club. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Over it. I don’t like going anywhere pretentious or unrelaxed. I want to be able to laugh loudly, wear whatever I want, and talk to cool people or be close to my inner circle. Otherwise, I’m probably not having fun. I can enjoy playing cards or a board game at home in ways I never would’ve thought.
Family: Far more important than I ever gave credit. I’ve learned that no matter what may ever happen, to keep the peace within my family and amongst everyone in it. There is not much more painful than not getting along with family. Nothing is worth it. I will try to fix it. I will leave the grudge. It’s not a game. Family is all we have.
Career: I’m going to hustle as hard as I possibly can and I’m going to give 100%. But my career will not stress me out. I will enjoy it or I will not do it.
There’s a certain peace that comes with being an adult. I’m responsible for myself. I can choose whatever I please. But I have to deal with the choice. I can go wherever I want. I can say whatever I want. I can be whoever I want. I can leave whenever I want and I can stay as long as I want. There are no rules. Just accountability for the choice. Sometimes I wish I could be 16 again so I could redo a few things. But then I think “I wouldn’t be who I am.” So I leave that thought in the dust. All the moments, good and bad, lead to the sum of who I am and I’m very happy. These are my growing pains. I’m seeing whatever I do the decade before affects me in the now. If I take care of myself now, I’ll be in great shape (not just physically, but holistically) right now AND in 10 years. I’ll be able to chill in 10 years if I lay the foundation for it now. So it’s all about being ahead of the curve. It’s all about having a blueprint for the next 10 years. The next 20 years. The next 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 or 80 years.
I’m sharing this possibly uncomfortable post because it’s good to think about how the choices we make right now will affect us later. It’s good to realize we won’t be 16 forever. The time goes by. And one day we just wake up older. Not necessarily feeling older in our spirit. But in body and mentality. So think about what you want and who you want to be and how you see your future and make sure it’s aligned. And if you’re experiencing changes in your body, especially as a woman, and you have no one to talk to about it, know that you’re not alone. It’s just a part of life. If we address it, hopefully we can age gracefully and keep enjoying all the beauty life has to offer. In 5 years, many things about you might change. Your old interests may evolve into new interests. You might become Vegetarian or change religions. Life is your canvas. You can paint it how you like. Just don’t forget that the time is going by. Yes, even for you.
Thank you for reading! Listen to #iWantU below: